Quilted or aloe?

So, im the kinda girl that is more of a giver. 

Additionally, I have issues with my man 'eating at the y', if you catch my drift :)  Im always so paranoid that its gonna look funny, taste funny, smell funny.. that Im a freak.  I basically cant enjoy it because Im so damn nervous.   My early experiences were terrible, and they set me up for lifelong mental angst.   Now, mind you, IT never did anything funny (especially the aforementioned funnies), but the dude was a total fucking douche bag and had no idea what he was doing.   No. Idea. 

Speed forward many years.  Im now in a committed relationship and STILL cant let go of my hangups.  He talks to me while Im taking a shit, sees me pick my nose, smells my morning breath, and Im a TOTAL nutjob about him eating me out.  To the point that it becomes a special treat for HIM.  He begs for it. 

On this one particular night, we were visiting my parents, and he decided that he wanted some box lunch.  After much convincing and shit talking, we decided that we'd give it a go once we got home.  As we left my parents house, I peed.  I remember thinking they had weird toilet paper, definitely different than ours, but that was the last I considered it.  Once we get home, some foreplay begins, and he takes my pants off.  I lean back on the bed (super nervous and staring at his face) and he starts a little rub or two with his fingers...  Hes staring with great anticipation at the hootie, just waiting to dive in.  As he rubs a little more and leans forward, he makes this weird ass face.  Immediately, Im like what!? what!? ...and he pulls out a HUGE FUCKING WAD OF TOILET PAPER.   What the fuck?!  Seriously?  No WONDER im a paranoid freak.  I was sooooo mortified.  I think it took a year before he got another shot.  Poor guy.  He could've had dry mouth in a major way.  Damn quilted northern.   I was SO thankful that the light was on.  Then, I laughed my ass off.