So, im the kinda girl that is more of a giver.
Additionally, I have issues with my man 'eating at the y', if you catch my drift :) Im always so paranoid that its gonna look funny, taste funny, smell funny.. that Im a freak. I basically cant enjoy it because Im so damn nervous. My early experiences were terrible, and they set me up for lifelong mental angst. Now, mind you, IT never did anything funny (especially the aforementioned funnies), but the dude was a total fucking douche bag and had no idea what he was doing. No. Idea.
Speed forward many years. Im now in a committed relationship and STILL cant let go of my hangups. He talks to me while Im taking a shit, sees me pick my nose, smells my morning breath, and Im a TOTAL nutjob about him eating me out. To the point that it becomes a special treat for HIM. He begs for it.
On this one particular night, we were visiting my parents, and he decided that he wanted some box lunch. After much convincing and shit talking, we decided that we'd give it a go once we got home. As we left my parents house, I peed. I remember thinking they had weird toilet paper, definitely different than ours, but that was the last I considered it. Once we get home, some foreplay begins, and he takes my pants off. I lean back on the bed (super nervous and staring at his face) and he starts a little rub or two with his fingers... Hes staring with great anticipation at the hootie, just waiting to dive in. As he rubs a little more and leans forward, he makes this weird ass face. Immediately, Im like what!? what!? ...and he pulls out a HUGE FUCKING WAD OF TOILET PAPER. What the fuck?! Seriously? No WONDER im a paranoid freak. I was sooooo mortified. I think it took a year before he got another shot. Poor guy. He could've had dry mouth in a major way. Damn quilted northern. I was SO thankful that the light was on. Then, I laughed my ass off.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Are you fucking kidding me!?
Why do people who are incapable of caring for anything besides the fleas in their socks choose to reproduce?
I know a gal who has her masters degree in bullshit. She lived in a house that smells so fucking bad you would puke spending 10 minutes inside. In fact, 5 minutes on the porch was damn near nauseating.
She chose to reproduce.
When I came into the picture, her child was nearly 3. I never even made it into the house and had extreme sadness in my heart for the cutest little blue eyed girl that had to constantly smell the ammonia. I couldnt imagine.
Fast forward 2 years, and girl decides to reproduce again.
New baby, although born ugly, should still be treated with love and kindness. Nope. NB is happy as shit to sleep in his car seat, not be touched, and just enjoy the flat head hes sporting from lack of attention. Master of bullshit even had the gall to say that she scolded her husband for holding him too much. ..uh, Huh? Unless he's 5 and whiny, Im not sure "holding him when he cries" is a bad idea. Poor NB atleast gets a new house that lacks the smell of ammonia. But, whats the point!? She fucking smoked the whole time she was pregnant and NOW is smoking while breastfeeding, in addition to drinking her 300 caffeinated drinks every day. I just dont understand making decisions that are potentially life altering to someone that cant make them for themselves. When people treat retards badly, the whole world intervenes since 'they dont have a voice' but let a uterus produce a child and that woman can do whatever the fuck she wants too as long as the child isnt bruised? Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit. And watching this transpire around me makes me really bitter, I admit. If she were childless, single woman who just chose to be nasty, Id actually like her alot....as long as we didnt start on her work ethic. THAT would be problematic, too.
I know a gal who has her masters degree in bullshit. She lived in a house that smells so fucking bad you would puke spending 10 minutes inside. In fact, 5 minutes on the porch was damn near nauseating.
She chose to reproduce.
When I came into the picture, her child was nearly 3. I never even made it into the house and had extreme sadness in my heart for the cutest little blue eyed girl that had to constantly smell the ammonia. I couldnt imagine.
Fast forward 2 years, and girl decides to reproduce again.
New baby, although born ugly, should still be treated with love and kindness. Nope. NB is happy as shit to sleep in his car seat, not be touched, and just enjoy the flat head hes sporting from lack of attention. Master of bullshit even had the gall to say that she scolded her husband for holding him too much. ..uh, Huh? Unless he's 5 and whiny, Im not sure "holding him when he cries" is a bad idea. Poor NB atleast gets a new house that lacks the smell of ammonia. But, whats the point!? She fucking smoked the whole time she was pregnant and NOW is smoking while breastfeeding, in addition to drinking her 300 caffeinated drinks every day. I just dont understand making decisions that are potentially life altering to someone that cant make them for themselves. When people treat retards badly, the whole world intervenes since 'they dont have a voice' but let a uterus produce a child and that woman can do whatever the fuck she wants too as long as the child isnt bruised? Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit. And watching this transpire around me makes me really bitter, I admit. If she were childless, single woman who just chose to be nasty, Id actually like her alot....as long as we didnt start on her work ethic. THAT would be problematic, too.
I only say what you think.
In my every day life, I am an honest, trusted individual. Weaved into that are many different sides of ME.
I have an open heart, I trust too easy, and I give people too much credit. I cry alot, I get my feeling hurt alot (even though I say I dont), and I have a hair pin trigger. I spend time wondering why I dont have better friends, and why I dont demand that I deserve and recieve more than I allow myself to have.
I am funny and loud, obnoxious and foul. I cuss, I drink, I laugh alot, and I can turn almost anything into a joke about sex. I talk dirty, and I think dirtier. I enjoy sexting. I say pussy. Hell, I even have one.
I enjoy men. I think there are many, many different aspects of a man that make him sexy. It varies depending on my mood and ovarian input. I love (LOVE) giving head and Im not ashamed to admit it. In fact, Im sorta like one of those grocery store kiosks that have food with toothpicks in it. If you're interested, Id probably even give you a sample. It doesnt take much unless my ovaries are bitter or you have a tiny dick. Tiny dick need not apply. I dont enjoy pubes in my teeth, and unfortunately, tiny dick owners often dont manscape.
Fuck is my favorite word but not activity. Ive had a string of unfortunate events that has left me guarded and doubtful of a proposed prowess. Proof is in the puddin, as they say, and unfortunately, most of the puddin Ive had has been sugar free. And in 100 calorie portions. LOL
I started this blog to have an honest outlet of myself, what I think and feel, and an unjudged area to vent my thoughts. In addition, I want to tell funny stories that happen or have happened to me. I have alot. Most of them are quite foul. <--warning.
For today, Ill start with just an introduction, but soon...very soon I shall share a funny story, too! I already have one recommended. Its about toilet paper :)
I sure hope this works! I already feel better for writing the first entry.
I have an open heart, I trust too easy, and I give people too much credit. I cry alot, I get my feeling hurt alot (even though I say I dont), and I have a hair pin trigger. I spend time wondering why I dont have better friends, and why I dont demand that I deserve and recieve more than I allow myself to have.
I am funny and loud, obnoxious and foul. I cuss, I drink, I laugh alot, and I can turn almost anything into a joke about sex. I talk dirty, and I think dirtier. I enjoy sexting. I say pussy. Hell, I even have one.
I enjoy men. I think there are many, many different aspects of a man that make him sexy. It varies depending on my mood and ovarian input. I love (LOVE) giving head and Im not ashamed to admit it. In fact, Im sorta like one of those grocery store kiosks that have food with toothpicks in it. If you're interested, Id probably even give you a sample. It doesnt take much unless my ovaries are bitter or you have a tiny dick. Tiny dick need not apply. I dont enjoy pubes in my teeth, and unfortunately, tiny dick owners often dont manscape.
Fuck is my favorite word but not activity. Ive had a string of unfortunate events that has left me guarded and doubtful of a proposed prowess. Proof is in the puddin, as they say, and unfortunately, most of the puddin Ive had has been sugar free. And in 100 calorie portions. LOL
I started this blog to have an honest outlet of myself, what I think and feel, and an unjudged area to vent my thoughts. In addition, I want to tell funny stories that happen or have happened to me. I have alot. Most of them are quite foul. <--warning.
For today, Ill start with just an introduction, but soon...very soon I shall share a funny story, too! I already have one recommended. Its about toilet paper :)
I sure hope this works! I already feel better for writing the first entry.
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